The Gift of Clarity

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Periodically, PremRawat.com publishes first-person reflections from people around the world who are experiencing the benefits of practicing the techniques of Self-Knowledge as taught by Prem Rawat—a simple way to turn one’s attention from the outside world to a place of personal peace. This month’s reflection is from Brian Heston, who lives in Chicago, U.S.

As a child, I often sensed something was off about the adult world. Grown-ups didn’t seem to be having as much fun as we kids did, and I hoped that wouldn’t be my fate.

When I was about 13, my father took me to a father-son banquet at church. The guest speaker was Cleveland Browns wide receiver Paul Warfield. I don’t remember his words, but I remember the impact—they shook me awake. That night I stayed up writing, catching wave after wave of realization. For the first time, I experienced real clarity. And I loved it. But the experience faded, and I didn’t know how to get it back.

Over the next few years, I searched for that feeling again. I practiced hatha yoga, kundalini yoga, zazen and even experimented with psychedelics. Each gave me something positive, but none quite captured the feeling I was seeking—that experience of fulfillment, love and clarity that would not fade.

At 17, I first heard about Prem Rawat—just 13 years old  himself at the time. His message resonated deeply, and soon after turning 18 on Jan. 12, 1972, I received the Knowledge of Self. It changed my life.

As I practiced, I returned to that familiar clarity which magnified. What I found was a feeling so fulfilling that my heart overflowed with love, peace, contentment, compassion and clarity. I realized that with every breath, I had the choice to be in that feeling or not. It felt like touching something infinite—a still, boundless place of love and peace that my mind could not reach, but my heart could. The best part? I could return to that experience whenever I wanted! From touching it to taking a deep dive, it is always present, always available just behind my breath. 

What I found was a feeling so fulfilling
that my heart overflowed with love, peace, contentment, compassion and clarity.

That Knowledge remains the most precious gift I know. It grounds me in the present, away from the endless chatter of my mind, and opens the door to life as it is happening. Breath itself becomes a teacher. We don’t earn our breath; it’s freely given, a present that begs the question “who is the Giver?” If we pay attention, it leads us into the Present—the Now. And really, what could be more valuable?

Life, of course, has its unexpected turns. At 57, I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. My wife Susan met the news with her characteristic humor: “Don’t worry, honey. I still love you. And if it ever gets really bad, I’ll make your martinis in a sippy cup.” I laughed—and 15 years later my condition improved. My neurologist even told me he could no longer diagnose Parkinson’s. The diagnosis itself turned out scarier than living with it.

A far greater challenge came four years later when Susan lost her brief battle with cancer. She had practiced Knowledge for over 20 years, and when she exhaled her last breath, a radiant smile spread across her face. In that moment, I thought: “I know where you’re going. It’s a place I visit often. See you there, my love.”

My world felt shattered by the loss, yet I was deeply grateful to be rooted in something untouched by death—the very energy of life itself. Before she passed, Susan made me promise to attend Prem’s events in Toronto and Los Angeles. I did, and they helped me face my grief fully, while also cherishing the 30 years shared with a remarkable woman—something I am forever grateful for. So gradually my grief turned into a bittersweet gratitude.

I was deeply grateful to be rooted in something untouched by death—the very energy of life itself.

Now in my 70s, I live a life that feels nothing short of magical. Retired from my work as a photographer and web designer, I spend my days creating art, composing and releasing music as The Chicaguys and writing about my journey with Knowledge. I’ve even published a book called “Finding Your Peace: The Magic of Living Here and Now, Five Decades Exploring Inner Space.” I live in the beautiful Beverly neighborhood of Chicago where I’m blessed with wonderful neighbors. After 15 years with Parkinson’s, I am hardly aware of it. What few symptoms I experience are merely annoyances at worst. I am  a lucky man.

Some days, I pause and look around at this life, this moment, this breath—and I can’t help but wonder: Can it get any better than this?

The Living Legacy (3:28)

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